Posted By: Neuromancer (... bright eyes ...) on 'Humor'
Title:     And the winner is...
Date:      Mon Apr 30 18:47:26 2001

 Here are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest
 (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University),
 wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel

 10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever
 to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the
 end of it."

 9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."

 8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a
 tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick
 brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black
 lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small
 straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied

 7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind
 as he crept along the East wall: "Andre creep... Andre
 creep... Andre creep."

 6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
 narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back
 alley sex change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

 5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not
 keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

 4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but
 then penguins often do."

 3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage
 cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the
 hotel floor."

 2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't
 know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh
 in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death
- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.


 1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness,
 crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed
 through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess,
 hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror
 at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
 disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception,
 screaming madly, "You lied!"
|       ICQ 20529980                               Neuromancer       |
|              Take me far away, where the dragons fly,              |
/------------ leave me to my dreams, or just let me die. ------------

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