Posted By: medved (A~z na v~eky Mikov~ce.) on 'Humor'
Title:     Medical advice
Date:      Mon Nov 21 13:44:53 2005

Good Medical advice... 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? 
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them 
on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not 
make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car 
by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. 
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient 
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. 
Beef is also a good source of field grass, green leafy vegetable). And a pork 
chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. 

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all 
know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: 
animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not 
animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only 
leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and enjoy your liquid 
vegetables. 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. 
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise 
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain .. Good. 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In 
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for 
you? 

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy. 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable!!! "It's the best 
feel good food around!" 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about 
food and diets. Have a cookie .. flour is a veggie! One more thing "When life 
hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and the salt." 
 

Bye

Medved

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