Posted By: medved (A~z na v~eky Mikov~ce.) on 'Humor'
Title:     Helpfull hints
Date:      Sun Dec  4 23:26:17 2005

Subject: Helpful Hints 

Helpful Hint #1
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling 
water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. 

Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone 
else to hold them while you chop away! 

Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a 
handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on. 

Helpful Hint #4
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' 
eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner. 

Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful 
inexpensive vibrator. 

Helpful Hint #6
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply 
pissing in the sink. 

Helpful Hint #7
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, 
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. 

Helpful Hint #8
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from 
rolling over and going back to sleep. 

Helpful Hint #9
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be 
afraid to cough.



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