Posted By: medved (A~z na v~eky Mikov~ce.) on 'Humor'
Title:     Oldies...
Date:      Sat Mar 25 12:04:40 2006

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. 

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel 
like it, I just want you to hold me." 

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to 
satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by 
saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The 
very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We 
went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed 
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several 
different very expensive outfits. 

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. 
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair 
for each outfit. 

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond 
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was 
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because 
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play 
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She 
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. 

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all 
dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted 
out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled 

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. 
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to 
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like 
she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am 
and not for the things I buy you?" 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.



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