Posted By: Sheri (15 DaysOfNotSmoking YES!!) on 'Humor'
Title:     Southern Style comedy
Date:      Fri Mar  5 01:06:37 1999

How Things Would Be Different If Microsoft
Were Located In North Carolina, USA

- Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders".
- Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
- Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered
  with a Hefty bag and some duct  tape.
- Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would
  give you the choice of "Aww-right",  "Naw", or "Git".
- Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be
   "Dueling Banjos".
- The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse.
- Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear
   "Freebird!"
- Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song
   would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie".
- Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt".
- Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".
- Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old
   Trans Am.
- Daisy Duke screen saver.
- "Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire..."
- Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
- Microsoft CEO "Billy- Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.
- "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk
   Yard" presentation template.
- One wrong turn while surfing the web would send
   you face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun.
- "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson"
   screen saver.
- Directions to Corporate Headquarters -
   "Down the road a block or so".
- Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker-
   "Hookt on fonics werkt 4 me"