Posted By: Sheri (15 DaysOfNotSmoking YES!!) on 'Humor'
Title:     British Style humour..
Date:      Fri Mar  5 01:22:16 1999

WINDAES 98
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Newcastle
edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside
Glasgow. If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some
help understanding the commands. The Newcastle edition may be
recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98 with a
background picture of a Buckfast bottle superimposed on a Celtic flag.
It   is shipped with a Buckfast screen saver.

Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labelled Bog
Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates
Control Panel is known as How Tae Fuck Aboot Wi The Settins
Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk
Floppies are Them Wee Plastic Fuckers.
And instead of an error message, you get a windae covered with an empty
Buckfast bottle.

Other features:
OK = its aww-right
cancel = fuck off
reset = whit yoo aw aboot
yes = aye
no = nay fuckin' chance
find = get it yer fuckin' sel'
go to = orr therr
help = ah cannae dae it
stop = gie's fuckin peace
start = fuckin' move
settings = settins
programs = stuff at does stuff
My Documents = ma shit

Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or
punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98:
tiperiter = a word processor
cullerin book = a graphics program
addin mershene = calculator
scratch paper = notepad (usually unused)
sounds = CD player
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
pikchers = a graphics viewer
dole money = M/S accounting software
Sellik = a spreadsheet of Celtic F.C.'s recent scores
Bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Tennent's Super
cuzzins = family history (usually 14-year-old mother's name
and a shortlist of possible fathers)
tax records = usually an empty file
Kappa tracksuit inventory (usually 3 meg file)
doactir = vetrinarians by post code

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of
the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version.