Posted By: ufi (Ufi) on 'Humor'
Title:     Soap Opera
Date:      Thu May  6 17:22:46 1999

Soap Opera                                                                     
        The following letters are taken from an actual incident between        
a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the        
letters to the London Sunday Times!                                            
        Dear Maid,                                                             
        Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my        
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the        
six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and           
another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.                     
        Thank you,                                                             
        Dear Room 635,                                                         
        I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,       
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish         
as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and          
put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your            
mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions           
from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is                  
        Kathy, Relief Maid                                                     
        Dear Maid--                                                            
        I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell          
you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got        
back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to          
the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel        
for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need           
those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when          
shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.                              
        S. Berman                                                              
        Dear Mr. Berman,                                                       
        My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps    
which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were       
in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial         
was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I            
didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside         
the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object        
to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can be of          
further assistance.                                                            
        Your regular maid, Dotty                                               
        Dear Mr. Berman,                                                       
        The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning         
that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your           
maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will    
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any 
complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal 
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank 

        Elaine Carmen, 


        Dear Miss 

        It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the 
for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. 
the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off 
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those 
bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a 
check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in 
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars         
of soap. Why are you doing this to me?                                         
        S. Berman                                                              
        Dear Mr. Berman,                                                       
        Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to       
your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,       
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you,                      
        Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper        
        Dear Mr. Kensedder,                                                    
        My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from         
my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and         
had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.                
        S. Berman                                                              
        Dear Mr. Berman,                                                       
        I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap           
problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since          
our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service 
a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my          
apologies for the inconvenience.                                               
        Martin L. Kensedder                                                    
        Assistant Manager                                                      
        Dear Mrs. Carmen,                                                      
        Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in        
last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars       
of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I           
have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please          
give me back my bath-size Dial.                                                
        Dear Mr. Berman,                                                       
        You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them             
removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was           
missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been            
taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know         
anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did        
not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus          
the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel             
issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I       
left in your room.                                                             
        Elaine Carmen Housekeeper    
        Dear Mrs. Carmen,                                                      
        Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap            
inventory. As of today I possess:                                              
        On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4        
and 1 stack of 2.                                                              
        On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack       
of 3.                                                                          
        On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack        
of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.                           
        Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1        
stack of 2.                                                                    
        In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.                         
        On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly          
        On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.            
        Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the            
stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks        
of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom           
window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future           
soap deliveries. One. more item, I have purchased another bar of               
bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid        
        S. Berman                                                              
        The End (Whew!)



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