Posted By: Suzanne (rrribit!) on 'Humor'
Title:     Lifeline
Date:      Tue Aug  3 13:13:54 1999


 THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE:

AGE     FAVORITE DRINK
17         beer
25         bourbon
35         vodka
48         double vodka
66         Maalox


 AGE     SEDUCTION LINE
17         My parents are away for the weekend.
25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35         My fiance is away for the weekend.
48         My wife is away for the weekend.
66         My second wife is dead.

AGE     FAVORITE SPORT
17         sex
25         sex
35         sex
48         sex
66         napping

AGE     DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17         "tongue"
25         "breakfast"
35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66         "Got home alive."

AGE     FAVORITE FANTASY
17         getting to third
25         airplane sex
35         menage a trois
48         taking the company public
66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

AGE     HOUSE PET
17         roaches
25         stoned-out college roommate
35         Irish setter
48         children from his first marriage
66         Barbie

AGE     WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17         25
25         35
35         48
48         66
66         17

AGE     IDEAL DATE
17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35         "Just come over."
48         "Just come over and cook."
66         Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE     FAVORITE DRINK
17         Wine Coolers
25         White wine
35         Red wine
48         Dom Perignon
66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE     EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17         Need to wash my hair
25         Need to wash and condition my hair
35         Need to color my hair
48         Need to have Francois color my hair
66         Need to have Francois color my wig

AGE     FAVORITE SPORT
17         shopping
25         shopping
35         shopping
48         shopping
66         shopping

AGE     DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17         "Burger King"
25         "Free meal"
35         "A diamond"
48         "A bigger diamond"
66         "Home Alone"

AGE     FAVORITE FANTASY
17         tall, dark and handsome
25         tall, dark and handsome with money
35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48         a man with hair
66         a man

AGE     HOUSE PET
17         Muffy the cat
25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48         Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

AGE     WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17         17
25         25
35         35
48         48
66         66

AGE     IDEAL DATE
17         He offers to pay
25         He pays
35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66         He can chew

 

                  Prijde den, kdy se zelvy nauci letat. 
                                                         SuE