Posted By: Sheri (New Board: ForeignJobs 23) on 'Humor'
Title:     Toilet humour.. ;-)
Date:      Sat Oct  9 22:22:35 1999

This isn't totally on-topic, but I learned from my aunt a way to
complain that always gets results, and sometimes gets rewards!  She
does it with humor, and the problem is almost always corrected
swiftly and cheerfully.

Here's an example: (I sent it to a local Wal-Mart after repeatedly
finding their bathroom an awful mess.)

To Whom it May Concern;

The following account happened to me in your store, and my intent is

Ode to the Commode

As I was shopping in Wal-Mart today,
Enjoying low prices galore,
My young offspring told me her bladder was full;
I had ten seconds, not one bit more!

I whisked her up quickly and ran at full speed,
Desperately begging her, "Wait!"
I zigged through the sporting goods, zagged through the toys;
Crying, "She must urinate!"

Soon we arrived at the Ladies' Room door
In just slightly less than a wink;.
But Oh!  Our poor noses!  For as we went in,
We smelled the most hideous stink!

Quickly we realized the source of the stench;
For all over counter and floor
Were puddles and garbage and T.P. and mud;
Alas!  I had seen it before!

I warily opened the door of the stall
And what awful sight met my eyes?
Smeared on the toilet seat there was what's known
(In my house) as Diaper Surprise.

But what could I do?  In my arms was my daughter;
I would not; could not put her there!
Despairing, I held her out over the toilet
As she did her deed in mid-air!

I humbly beseeched of an aproned employee,
"This bathroom's not fit to be used!"
She asked me to tell the cashier at McDonald's
Who stared at me, fully confused.

Now please understand I've been living for years
And all of that time, had a bladder;
But Wal-Mart's facilities rank 'neath an outhouse
On any John Cleanliness ladder.

You'd do well to try out the restroom at Target;
They clean every spot, vast or tiny!
They've pleasant aromas in spite of their purpose;
And all of the porcelain's shiny!

In closing, I ask you, please keep the john clean;
For next time it's foul, please be sure
My money, my daughter, and her little bladder
Will frequent a tidier store.

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